To the Glory

but one of these guys is

2006-07-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

I would like to note for the record that I am not dead. I was just on hiatus. As most of you know, 7-11 recently had it's twenty-fifth anniversary, cooincidentaly, on the eleventh of July. They were giving away free slurpees, and as you all know I am a big fan of them. I simply needed to take time off to drink slurpees in order to build up a tolerence for free slurpee day.

I was able to hit 49 7-11 stores that day and I'm only just recovering from the slurpee headache. It was slurpee heaven. You all thought Korea was slurpee heaven, but it is in fact Raj who is slurpee heaven. Take that, boobies.

So Ryan? STOP SAYING I'M DEAD. You couldn't be more wrong.

Watch it...

2006-07-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

this is not me. Don't be fooled.

MISCHIEF MAYHEM SOAP

2006-06-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

My Bad

2006-06-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

We must apologize. Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica must all apologize. It began as a joke, it turned into obsession, and it ended in pain. Some have called him bipolar, but we like to call him tripolar. It no longer matters, for he is dead now, killed off by his creators, nay, by his very own personalities. Here is his story:

It was a late Thursday night and very little had happened in the blog world that day. The weekend was coming and little more was to be expected. Boredom ensued. Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica jokingly came up with a plan. Find a picture we would. Give him a name we would. Create a completely artificial blogmunity member we did. We looked upon our creation and exclaimed that it was good.

There was brilliance behind the mystery. A purpose behind the bloody boy...Prepare yourself for a story that will shrink your balls to the size of raisins (results may vary).

Have you ever tried to google Monkey Knife Fight? You should try it. Go ahead. Try it. Do you notice someone? That's right people. Its none other than our dear sweet departed Raj VanAllen. We think that there is a need for some clarification. Raj is not a real name. It could be a real name, but the Raj that we all know and hate is not a real name. It's a heartfelt acronym for Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica. Are you catching on? We were bored one night and thought it would be terribly clever and even more terribly funny if we combined forces and created a new blogger. Arwen had a sudden recurrence of Monkey Knife Fight obsession, so she googled it. There was Raj. What better picture to go on that one of a pretty little boy covered in blood? So our story begins...

Everyone had great ideas of who this guy would be. Ryan created the name. Jessica created the attitude (or the direction that it would head in). Together, we created the profile and then... Raj's very first blog. From there, he took on a mind of his own. Because we all had the password, we commented on blogs without the others’ knowing-- so at times, Raj was real. He was real in our hearts. WWRD. No, not word, What Would Raj Do. It became our mantra. If Tara and Eric went camping naked, what would Raj say? If Raj ran out of ideas to blog about, who would he steal a post from? If Raj loved slurpees, what kind would he like and what would be the most disturbing thing he could say concerning them without truly offending someone personally. We figured that Raj would simply be a little joke. Something to do when our ideas for blogs wouldn’t fit into the genre of our own blogs. But then, Raj’s profile view’s surpassed all of our expectations. He had almost half of our own (Ryan and Arwen) profile views and actually more than Jessica (lets all work on this)… all over the course of a simple weekend. Raj was a genius.

He had friends that included Stacy and Tobin. Who is Stacy? Raj asks that . Through some research and much planning, we stumbled across a young lady named Stacy who was from Northern California, not too far from San Jose where Raj lived, yet far enough away from Lisa in San Diego that they would never meet. We linked to her and called her our friend. Stacy knows nothing.

One morning though, Raj got out of hand. He made comments that were inappropriate. He took a joke too far. Perhaps some of you got some of those comments... "I lost my virginity ______. It was ______." It was funny to us (or at least to Arwen, it was funny). Unfortunately, we are the type to carry on a joke about 3 days after it stops being funny. Some were outraged. Some sent direct e-mails complaining about Raj and defending the people they were aimed at. Some people had to be called personally so that they did not have heart attacks and rage and kill innocent puppies, husbands, or pedestrians. This is when we decided that it would be best if Raj were no longer in our blogmunity. Our joke had gone on long enough. Hearts had to be broken. So, our dear Raj signed off forever, but not before he apologized to everyone for hurting feelers.

So now you know the story. Raj was, and remains to be, the best blog joke of all time. We sort of Reign Supreme in that aspect... you know… thinking of it and all…

The moral of the story is that the blogmunity is a place of honesty, authenticity, and of sharing each others funny stories, their sorrows, and their random thoughts. Raj broke all those rules. And for that we, and he, apologize.

R.A.J out.

Goodbye

2006-06-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

I don't belong here. To all those I've offended, I am sorry. You are a beautiful bloggmunity that anyone and everyone should love to be a part of. From this point on I am dead to you. Forget about me. Forget about my foul mouth, my irrevrent humor, and my obvious virginity. I am going to be picking up more hours at Baskin, maybe I'll get a gym membership, I don't know. Don't forget Stacy.
Don't worry about commenting 'cause I won't be checking my blog anymore. For all those I've personally hurt (you know who you are), just know that I truly am an A-hole. This was all supposed to be an adventure, fun, games, and community...but it took a sour turn for the worst.

Please forgive The Raj. Thank you for the week of sweet pleasures. I'll never forget you all.

Raj.

PS Rebecca, I'll never forget you. Bsc, I didn't really know who you were. Arwen, I should have read your posts before I commented and I will never visit your facebook again. Ryan and Jessica I really do hope your son is ok. Ty, we could have been something special. Tabitha, Lisa, Tara, KK, and annonymus I hope I did not cause you too much heartache. James, you're still wrong. Jen, I find you intruiging. If I've forogtten anyone else, you are probably lucky 'cause that may mean that I have not made fun of your dead father, cat, or best friend (or something of that nature)

I bid you farwell. Peace out Boobies!

The mouth that gets me into so much trouble, but I cannot stop it. How can someone stop something that makes them feel so good.

2006-06-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

So, several people have recently brought to my attention that my mouth needs a little work. (My favorite Rebecca Marie and my Aunt Chloe Mae (who raised me and is the closest thing I have to a Mother. That is another blog entirely) They say I am offensive and that I need to "Stop using potty words". So I must ask this question of you, actually let me explaine something. I don't know if you noticed, but I love the "B" word. When used correctly it is so hilarious that I want to, (how do I say this appropriately), wet myself with joy! So my question is this, If I love the "B" word so much, what can I use as a replacement so as to not offend the delicate ears of my listeners? I am open for any suggestions. They had better be good or I will punch you in the face. I mean good with a capitol GOOD! Post away my little posters. Post away.
P.S. I will also punch you in the face if you do not comment n my friend Stacy's blog. That's right...Oh no, what do I say now! HELP ME!

2006-06-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

Stacy is the only one that knows. She told me that I should blog about it as a little test drive since none of my friends (with the exception of Tobin) read this yet.

Tobin (that's him over there) graduated from SJS last week and is off in Amsterdam doing what Amsterdamians do best, so this is the perfect time for me to spread the word:

I'm pretty sure I'm into Tob. I think you know what I mean. I just don't know when I should let him know...

HA! FAKE OUT, BITCHES!

Comedy?

2006-05-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

Comedy has changed. There is now way around it. Things that were funny in yesteryear are lost on today's young and short attention spanned market. I take, for example, the stark contrast between the Saturday Night Lives of the 1980's and the SNL's of today. "I gotta have more cowbell" rings clear in my ears as a beautiful symphony of stringed and horned instruments. Compare "cowbell" with the annoying voices of the coneheads of the late 80's and early 90's. One must agree that something has changed. The real question that must be answered is can the two ever truly coexist peacefully. Up until this point I feel as though there has been a war raging. And do not be fooled by the generation gap that appears to be the problem. For, in my experience as a human being living in Lisbon, Portugal I have found that comedy often does not transcend cultural barriers. How can this problem ever end?Well my friends, I believe that I have found the answer to the question. The enigma has found its solution in one movie. Yes, it is true, there is one movie that transcended cultural barriers, social changes, and even defies time. What is that one movie? Anchorman? No. Old people don't like it. Three Amigos? No, young people don't get it. The Passion? No, that's no comedy. The true answer comes in an unexpected place. May I suggest that Home Alone is the answer? Home Alone is the key to our comedic distress. It answers the questions of time, space, and everything in between. Old people find it humorous, the Dutch find it mezmorizing, kids can't stop giggling, and even the fans of such movies as Zoolander and Old School can't deny the comedic timing of Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern when teamed up with little Macauley. That is the answer. There is nothing else.
I am Raj and I am man.

I'm a stealer...

2006-05-29T15:26:00.000-07:00

Hey look everyone... I came up with my own picture of Peter Jennings and Vicente Fox. I think they are the same person. It freaks me right the f*ck out....

Take that Rebecca Marie.... I'd like you to make a claim about me stealing posts this time!

I would like to apologize to everyone who got mean comments from me last night... Stacy and I got a little out of control with our box of wine.....

Mmmm... Frozen Code Red Slurpee

2006-05-28T15:40:00.000-07:00

I feel like a slurpee. Wait. Yeah, I really really do.

Hey Dr. Nick

2006-05-26T23:02:00.000-07:00

How did I get here? I know you are asking this. So I'll tell you but prepare yourself because it's a long story. Here's the path:

Facebook
Stacy
Arwin/ Unnamed Work Of Genius
other bloggers

I read Arwin's blog for a while and decided to check out some others. They weren't as stupid as I thought they would be and Stacy told me that I should show them all up, so I'm giving it a go. Hopefully some of them will start commenting. It's not very fun when you don't get those comments, but I guess I did just start a few days ago, so I can't be too greedy. But I will anyways.
I now leave you with this quote from the best movie of all time, Prince of Tides:

Stay away from boys 'cause they are all disgusting, self-indulgent beasts that pee on bushes and pick their noses.

Bastards.

Work! Help! Save Raj!

2006-05-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

I was greeted by rank this morning at work. The story goes like this: for over 6 months at work, there was this bathroom near the lobby that s.m.e.l.l.e.d. like someone took pooh and mixed it with road kill, let it ferment and then stuck it in the oven. however it smelled it was a very unprofessional odor. against the fire code, we lit candles to combat the smell. we became dangerously used to it in a disgusting way. but visitors never did."what is that smell?""where is that coming from?""Raj, what did you do?!"we tried Oust, Febreeze, Glade, everything.finally, our facilities department started searching for the source of the smell. was it the sink in the basement below the bathroom? maybe the "water trap" or whatever it is called that keeps gaseous substances from leaking up from underground had dried out.nope, it wasn't the sink.was it the drinking fountain in the hallway that hadn't worked for years? they disconnected the drain pipe and put up an "out of order" sign.nope, it wasn't the drinking fountain.this building is so old, they don't even have the original blue prints anymore. they couldn't locate old pipes without knocking down walls.so, they started knocking down walls.finally they found the culprit. it was a pipe that was quite clogged with unidentifiable brown stuff. but it stank.after that, we were fantastically smell-free and carried on our general office duties, blogging and craigslist browsing in bliss.until today.there are two bathrooms on the main floor, the one that stank, as I said before was near the lobby. the other one is right next to my office. It is Rank! will I have to breathe this unidentifiable flith for over 6 months before they find the problem? what if this causes lung cancer or boils? will they pay my medical bills? i can't work like this.

My First Post!

2006-05-24T22:40:00.000-07:00

Wow, my very first post on my brand new blog site! I wonder if anyone will ever read this? I always said that I would never be a part of the blogging craze, but I guess there are a few things that I said I'd never do. Oh well, every day is a new opportunity filled with surprises.
Speaking of surprises! It was my birthday yesterday and my friend Stacy threw me this huge birthday bash filled with all these ridiculous games like pin the tail on the donkey and bobbing for apples. It was childish, but it was fun. Stacy, if you're reading this, thanks you're the best!

The purpose of this blog is to review life as it comes. I would like to review movies, music, and other such things. It's an experiment, so we'll see how it goes.